David Lourie - Writer
29 Albert Rd  Whale Beach  NSW 2107 Australia
phone +61 (2) 9918 0879
email
lourie@comcen.com.au

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Screenplay

"ANIMAL INSTINCT" - Excerpt
(First 13 pages)

 

EXT. OPEN OCEAN - SUNSET

Storm clouds blacken the sky. Sunbeams burst through and splash a biblical pool of light onto the sea. A HUMPBACK WHALE breaches and spouts.

A WHALING SHIP chases the leviathan through frothy swells.

Dogging the big ship is a small CLEANPEACE ANTI-WHALING BOAT. TED GLASER, the CleanPeace videographer, SHOUTS and gestures from behind his camera:

TED

Get between them! Block their shot!

The CleanPeace CREW shake their fists at the whalers.

CLEANPEACE CREW MEMBER-1

Get another job, you barbarians!

The Whalers SHOUT BACK in Japanese.

The whale spouts again in the pool of light. The whalers wrestle frantically with the harpoon, as the violent seas prevent them from loading the gun.

CREW MEMBER-2

Ted, don't button off! We're sending it to the web site!

The boat's transmitting tower sends out visible radio waves.

CREW MEMBER-1

Hey, Ted, catch those birds coming in!

Ted points his camera at two flocks of birds converging at high speed on the whaling ship.

Angry SEA GULLS attack the whalers, pecking viciously at their heads, hands and eyes, while the dive-bombing ALBATROSS drop gobs of poo on the men's heads. Those men who make the mistake of looking up spit poo and cry out in disgust.

The battle rages like the attack on Pearl Harbor, with the gulls as fighter planes, and the Albatross as dive bombers.

The poo-covered harpoon slips out of the whalers' hands, rolls under the railing and disappears into the sea.

The whalers run for cover. The birds fly off. The Whale gets away. A CHEER erupts from the CleanPeace Crew.

CREW MEMBER-2

Awesome!

TED

Man, those birds look downright organized!

The wind dies down, the rough seas become calm, and it all goes eerily quiet.

INT. WHALING SHIP'S BRIDGE - SUNSET

Peering through the poo-splattered glass, the CAPTAIN breaks the stunned silence (in Japanese, subtitled):

CAPTAIN

I've never seen anything like this!

FIRST MATE

It's like those birds were organized!

CAPTAIN

Yes, as if they had . . . some kind of intelligent plan!

INT. LUKE'S BEDROOM - EVENING

LUKE FARUKE is a slender, pleasant looking 15-year old. His smile holds humor and mischief. His intelligent eyes watch text appear on his computer screen:

OFF-SCREEN WRITER'S TEXT

"An intelligent plan is what you need, Bird Brain!"

Luke smirks, and types back:

LUKE'S TEXT

"Plan, schmann! I'm an action man!"

Luke's walls are plastered with pictures of wild animals, plus two episodes of a nicely drawn comic strip called "Animal Instinct, by Luke Faruke."

OFF-SCREEN WRITER'S TEXT

"You need more than 2 episodes to get published!"

LUKE'S TEXT

"Brain ache."

OFF-SCREEN WRITER'S TEXT

"Check the CleanPeace site!"

Luke clicks into the CleanPeace web site, which is streaming the video of the bird attack.

OFF-SCREEN WRITER'S TEXT (CONT'D)

"Hah! The whale got away!"

LUKE

[to himself] That is so cool!

Then he types:

LUKE'S TEXT

"Birds do have brains!"

FIRST WRITER'S TEXT

"Just like yours!"

LUKE'S TEXT

"They're Winged Poo Fighters!"

FIRST WRITER'S TEXT

"There's your next episode."

LUKE

[to himself] Yeah! That's an episode!

With a flourish, Luke launches his "Animal Instinct" comic strip template, which pops up on the computer monitor.

Luke's face is intense. He mouths the words as he types the title of his new episode: "WINGED POO FIGHTERS: Mightier Than A Ship Of Steel!"

A glowing green pyramid icon appears on his monitor.

LUKE (CONT'D)

What's that?!

He clicks on it, but nothing happens. He tries to delete it, but can't. The All News web site is playing in the background, and Luke hears the breaking story:

NEWS ANCHOR WOMAN

Watch out for the latest computer virus that's putting a mysterious but apparently harmless green pyramid icon on people's computers.

NEWS ANCHORMAN

That's right, Jane. No one can trace where it's coming from, or what it's supposed to do!

Luke drags his anti-virus icon onto the pyramid. A message comes up: "No virus detected."

LUKE

I'll deal with you later!

He gets back to his comic strip, and draws the hero for this episode: an ALBATROSS, dive-bombing a whaling ship. Luke draws the bird's face to look as intense as his own.

LUKE (CONT'D)

I wonder what you're up to right now, Alby Albatross!

The green pyramid icon starts blinking. Luke's face is lit eerily by the blue light from the monitor, now mixed with the blinking green light from this mysterious new icon.

Alby Albatross's eyes move. Luke does a double take as the bird shifts his fierce gaze to meet Luke's incredulous stare.

The steady blinking of the pyramid icon has a hypnotic effect. Luke's gaze becomes trance-like. He moves the cursor over the bird's image, and double clicks.

The drawing comes alive. Alby flaps his long powerful wings, and rises gracefully toward the clouds. Then he turns, and flies directly at Luke. He speaks angrily.

ALBY ALBATROSS

I'm a warrior bird!

Luke stares slack-jawed, like a stunned fish.

ALBY ALBATROSS (CONT'D)

But do you know what you are, Wimpy?

Luke rubs his eyes, shakes his head and blinks, but the drawing is still alive -- it's not an apparition. Luke looks around, to see if anyone else might be watching from the doorway, but no one is.

He whispers to the intimidating bird:

LUKE

Tell me what I am.

ALBY ALBATROSS

You are part of The Problem, Bozo!

LUKE

Hey, you can't talk to me like that! I created you!

ALBY ALBATROSS

Did you really?

Alby turns and flies away, shouting back at Luke:

ALBY ALBATROSS (CONT'D)

You've been warned!

LUKE

Wait! What problem?? Come back!

Luke grabs the mouse and follows Alby's flight path with the cursor. He zooms in on the soaring bird.

MATCH DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. SKY OVER TASMANIA - SUNRISE

The real ALBY ALBATROSS and his flock soar over the sea at sunrise. START MUSIC (like Ravel's "Bolero").

The graceful birds descend on the lushly forested island of Tasmania, where a diversity of creatures are converging from air, land and ocean. They all clamber up to a headland overlooking a beautiful seascape.

EXT. HEADLAND - TASMANIA - SUNRISE

From the sea come Dolphins, Whales, Seals, Crocodiles, Penguins and Polar Bears. From the air come Sea Gulls, Albatross, Lorikeets, Eagles, Egrets and Owls. From the land come Lions, Tigers, Elephants, Kangaroos, Koalas, Gorillas and Chimps.

Two GIRAFFES hold high a banner that reads: "T.E.A.C.H: Tough Education Against Cruel Humans." The Giraffes announce their message to the arriving animals who file past them.

GERRY GIRAFFE

The Age Of Human Cruelty is coming to an end!

JENNY GIRAFFE

The Age Of Animal Rights is dawning!

OZZIE OWL is master of ceremonies.

OZZIE OWL

Okay! Quiet! Welcome one and all, to this historic gathering of the Animal Kingdom!

The Animals CHEER, HOOT, HOWL, ROAR, SCREECH and SQUEAK.

OZZIE OWL (CONT'D)

Okay, okay! Here is our Mission Statement: we must rescue the future of this planet from the deadly impact of these newcomer Humans!

Angry OUTCRIES fill the air.

The Dolphin leader, DONNY, clambers up to the podium. He wears a necklace with a small green pyramid, like the icon on Luke's computer. A respectful hush comes over the crowd, and they listen to Donny.

DONNY DOLPHIN

This is The Problem: the Humans are destroying all our habitats! What they're not bulldozing, they're poisoning with their pollution!

DOLPHIN ELDER

That's right! They're killing millions of us every day, and it's growing!

OZZIE OWL

Someone has to teach them to be humane!

PENNY PENGUIN

[leads her flock in a chant] Win their hearts and minds! Win their hearts and minds!

LONNY LION

[leads his family in a chant] Eat their hearts and minds! Eat their hearts and minds!

OZZIE OWL

Okay! Quiet! We all know that some of you are already at War with them!

LONNY LION

[leads a chant] Paws Claws Jaws! Paws Claws Jaws!

OZZIE OWL

Yes, we hear you, Lonny. Be warned, everyone, war with the Humans can't be stopped once it's begun!

ALLAN ALLIGATOR

[licking his lips] But it's already being won!

CONNIE CROCODILE

[ear-to-ear grin] And we're already having fun!

Connie's face goes all dreamy.

RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. GOLF COURSE DEVELOPMENT - FLORIDA - DAY

FLASHBACK: Connie Crocodile watches some Humans working on a golf course development. With an ear-to-ear grin, she drools and licks her lips. Behind her in the swampy woods is a throng of Alligators and Crocodiles poised to pounce.

Connie growls and charges, and her compatriots follow.

The HUMANS scream, drop their work and flee to the Pro Shop. The Gators and Crocs surround the shop, clawing at the doors and windows. The people inside are horrified and helpless.

INT. PRO SHOP - DAY

GOLF COURSE WORKER-1

Call the police!

GOLF COURSE WORKER-2

The line's dead!

GOLF COURSE WORKER-3

Jesus, what're we gonna do?! Look at 'em all!!

EXT. PRO SHOP - DAY

An Alligator chews ferociously at the doorknob, while three Crocodiles have their heads together in conference. One points toward the people inside the Pro Shop.

CROC-1

What'll we do with em?

CROC-2

Eat 'em!

CROC-3

Yeah, sure. But let's take some of 'em with us, for later!

An Alligators discovers some cases of GatorAde. The Gators and Crocs HOOT and HOLLER as they pass the bottles around.

GatorAde for Gators and Crocs is like alcoholic spinach for Popeye. After two swigs, the Gators stand up on their tails and pound their chests like Gorillas. One of them climbs the storage bin full of golf balls and tips the bin over, spilling the balls everywhere.

The Gators and Crocs swat the golf balls with their tails, in time with the music. It's like a Paint Ball fight, with the terrified Humans ducking the wild balls that come crashing through the windows.

One of the balls hits a fire alarm, which sets off the the sprinklers in the Pro Shop. The Humans are trapped and getting soaked, with no where else to go. But soon the Crocs and Gators amble away with their bottles, staggering to the music.

RIPPLE DISSOLVE BACK TO:

EXT. T.E.A.C.H. GATHERING - TASMANIA - DAY

Connie Crocodile's reverie is broken by the rowdy late arrival of ANTONIO ANT and his ferocious band of SOUTH AMERICAN FIRE ANTS. They march to a war chant:

ANTS

One foot, two foot, three foot four / All we want is war war war! / Five foot six foot seven foot more / Drill them, kill them, blood and gore!

Antonio stops beneath the Giraffes, and reads the T.E.A.C.H. banner they are holding. It says, "Tough Education Against Cruel Humans." Antonio addresses his men:

ANTONIO ANT

[Spanish accent] What are we?

FIRE ANTS

Soldiers! Soldiers! Soldiers!

ANTONIO ANT

What do we do?

FIRE ANTS

Kill! Kill! Kill!

Antonio points scornfully at the T.E.A.C.H. banner.

ANTONIO ANT

And whom will we be educating?

The soldiers look at each other, momentarily puzzled. Then they pick up their chant again:

FIRE ANTS

Kill! Kill! Kill!

Antonio Ant nods approvingly. The Giraffes shake their heads in dismay.

JENNY GIRAFFE

Petty thoughts from puny brains!

ANTONIO ANT

Hey, size doesn't count, Spaghetti Neck!

Gerry Giraffe raises his foot threateningly.

GERRY GIRAFFE

We could easily see about that, Pinhead!

The Ants march off, but Antonio shouts back:

ANTONIO ANT

We could have you for breakfast, if we wanted, along with the Humans!

FIRE ANTS

Kill the Humans! Kill the Humans!

Donny Dolphin shouts to the crowd:

DONNY DOLPHIN

No, no, don't listen to those bird brains!

OZZIE OWL

Hey, watch it, bottle nose!

DONNY DOLPHIN

Sorry, Ozzie. Listen --- if we make war on Humans, everyone will lose, including us!

WALLY WHALE

That's right! We'll all be killed by their deadly weapons!

POLLY POLAR BEAR

But we've already lost our homes!

LONNY LION

We have to stop them now!

OZZIE OWL

[quiets the noisy gathering with a wave of his wing] Okay, okay! We're clearly divided into two opposing camps -

HARRY HYENA

Yeah, the Warriors and the Wimps!

All the Hyenas crack up.

PENNY PENGUIN

Aw, stick yer beaks back in, you dog-face Gorillas!

GARRY GORILLA

Hey, watch it, feather head!

PENNY PENGUIN

Watch it yourself, ya hairy ape!

OZZIE OWL

Quiet! Time to vote. All those in favor of educating the Humans, instead of attacking them, bark or click, or do whatever you do!

The Dolphins CLICK, the Whales SING, the Seals BARK, the Penguins SQUEAK and the Giraffes BRAY like Donkeys. All the Birds CHIRP in, too.

OZZIE OWL (CONT'D)

Okay, okay! That's a good showing from the Peace Team. Now, all those in favor of war, do your thing.

There is an overwhelming din of ROARING, TRUMPETING, SCREECHING, SCREAMING and WAILING from the war mongers -- the Lions, Tigers, Polar Bears, Elephants, Chimps and Hyenas. Ozzie Owl has to cover his ears.

OZZIE OWL (CONT'D)

Okay! Stop! Well, the War Party has obviously carried the vote!

DONNY DOLPHIN

No, no! They just have louder voices!

DOLPHIN ELDER

Give us a chance to make peace first! We can teach the Humans to rescue Nature! Then we'll all have a future again!

LONNY LION

Never! The Humans can't change change their spots! Or leopards can't -- you know what I mean!

POLLY POLAR BEAR

Don't you forget it!

ANTONIO ANT

You'll never teach the Humans, 'cause there's too many of 'em!

DONNY DOLPHIN

[holding his pyramid up with his flipper] That's right, but we've got the solution! We're now recruiting one special Human --

DOLPHIN ELDER

Very special!

DONNY DOLPHIN

-- who will get things going for us!

DOLPHIN ELDER

With just a little help from us, first!

The little green pyramid Donny holds up begins to blink.

INT. LUKE'S ROOM - DAY

Again the monitor's glow and the blinking green icon cast an eerie light on Luke's face.

He clicks into the All News web site, which shows the breaking story of Florida's Gator and Croc attack. The waterlogged victims of the attack are in the background, gesturing wildly as they talk to Police. The NEWS ANCHOR WOMAN sounds mystified:

NEWS ANCHOR WOMAN

This bizarre Crocodile incident follows similar animal attacks elsewhere in the world.

NEWS ANCHORMAN

That's right, Jane! Just yesterday there was an astonishing confrontation, in which birds were more successful than CleanPeace in stopping a Japanese whaling ship!

NEWS ANCHOR WOMAN

That's right, John, it's almost as if the animals of the world are mounting an organized campaign of terror!

GENERAL PANICK, US ARMY (VOX POP)

If those animals think they can attack Americans and get away with it, they're gonna have to think again!

EXT. TASMANIA - THE T.E.A.C.H. GATHERING - DAY

The Animals at the gathering argue passionately.

OZZIE OWL

Those Humans will have to think again if they believe they can just take over the whole planet for themselves!

A CHEER erupts.

LONNY LION

Okay, here's the plan: we hit them hard, then hit them hard again!

GARRY GORILLA

And again!

CHIMPANZEES

Yeah! Yeah! It's us or them!

CONNIE CROCODILE

Eat or be eaten!

HYENAS

Kill or be killed!

DONNY DOLPHIN

Stop, stop stop! You don't have an intelligent plan!

ALLAN ALLIGATOR

Plan, schmann!

LONNY LION

Drive them out!

EDDY ELEPHANT

Show no mercy!

HARRY HYENA

Take no prisoners!

FIRE ANTS

Kill! Kill! Kill!

The Dolphins click and nod to each other. Donny quiets the crowd again with a wave of his flipper. With his other flipper, he holds up his little blinking pyramid.

DONNY DOLPHIN

We've got the solution right here, so don't launch any more attacks before we return!!

DOLPHIN ELDER

Okay, it's time to contact the kid Luke!

DONNY DOLPHIN

Let's go!

Donny and the Dolphins dive in and swim off into the deep. .

[the rest of the script is available on request]

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